Why are you shaming these kids?

As a parent of neurodivergent kids. The idea that “everyone is getting diagnosed with ADHD” kind of makes my blood boil.

My kids are amazing, empathetic, engaging kids. Like almost every kid I know. They WANT to do the right thing. They WANT to help out, and be friendly, and get their stuff done.

No one wants to be the person who is lagging behind.

Please stop thinking of a neurological difference as an excuse. No one should feel shamed because they can’t keep up.

You wouldn’t shame a kid in a wheelchair for not being able to climb the stairs, so why would you shame a child with ADHD or Autism for having poor emotional regulation. They don’t WANT to melt down. It feels awful.

Instead, you need to build them ramps. You need to ramp the scaffolding so that they know transitions are coming. You need to know what sensory stimuli overload them. You need to know what sensory supports are going to be appropriate in each situation.

You need to ramp the support so that if they just can’t tie their laces today, because it has been a hard morning, they can let you know and be helped to do it.

Know they have trouble with bright lights? Is there any place in the room you can throw a towel over the desk and let them have a little dark time?

Know they have trouble with noise? If they have accessory support time, why not make that at the time where the planned activity is going to get noisy? or Set them up and let them wear their headphones for the duration.

Don’t get me wrong. Like every child, they need to know what behaviour is ok. This needs to be discussed often, on repeat, when they are regulated, calm, and able to take it on board. Just like you do with every child when they start in a new classroom. They may need more reminders. They may need someone to recognise and advocate for them that what you’re asking for may be unachievable without some supports in place.

But when they get to the point where they are retreating into themselves, or screaming, they are past “behaviour management” they aren’t thinking, at all. They can’t.

Stop shaming kids with ADHD and Autism for having difficulty managing their overwhelm, their emotions, their sensory needs. Instead, work out what ramps they need to avoid getting into the state where they’re flopping around on the stairs.